Wilde Mocha Babe

I remember how badly I used to shame myself for the choices I made without factoring in the little guidance I had navigating this world we lived in. I had controlled “guidance” the kind where I waited for someone to tell me what I needed to do versus trying to figure it out myself. It took courage and realizing I could do for myself. I was at the top of my twenties when I decided to take my own life into my hands and set out on a path to make sense of the life that was worth living.

Can you imagine growing up in a household where mental health was very visible but somehow you’re told that Jesus was more important than you feeling depressed. In the famous words of most Christian Black mamas (not all), what do you have to be depressed for? WELL, let me start with…

Childhood trauma really snuck up on me in my twenties although I knew I was dealing with something as a young child I just didn’t know what to call it. You know as a teenager you bury the feelings inside your journal that you hide under your pillow. Or, you go over to a friend’s house and see how freely they can be and only wish you could exist that way in your own home. It was not feeling safe constantly, often resulting in night terrors that kept me ’till the sun was up.

It got to a point where what I needed to do was directly in my face constantly and I needed that in order to survive. I needed the truth. I needed honesty. I needed to reset my nervous system and ground myself in healing. With that being said…

Things I wish I knew in my Twenties

• You can wake up one day and do something different that ultimately could change the trajectory of your life. Sh*ts scary by default however, let the belief you have in yourself cause a shift.
• Holding on to people out of fear of being alone ain’t the flex you think it is.
• Sitting with yourself alone gives you the opportunity to feel what you’ve been masking.
• Not everyone you meet has to turn into a romantic relationship.
• It’s more than okay to ask for help or guidance. Too many of us struggle in silence.
• Black women deserve a soft place to land. You’re not asking for too much.
• When they often say “it’s not a big deal” or “you’re doing too much” or “it’s not that deep” or “relax”–run.
• Pay attention to how people speak to you when they’re angry.
• The moment you feel uncomfortable put your exit plan in place.
• Emotional intelligence is KEY.
• You are NOT your partner’s mother. You are not your partner’s father. They need healing and a therapist you are not responsible for fixing them.
• Sexuality is fluid. Honor your truth. Be safe. Have fun.
• Actions and words go together.
• Being hyper independent is exhausting. Childhood trauma and your experiences deserve to be unpacked in a safe space. Find yours.
• Life is worth living. You matter even when the world feels heavy. You deserve to be here.
• Be honest with yourself in every situation. Lying will make you and others recognizable.
• You can be in a whole relationship with a stranger for years and meet the love of your life the next day. Don’t play yourself.
• Love isn’t abusive. It isn’t manipulative. It isn’t exhausting. It isn’t hard. It isn’t playing small to make someone else feel big. It isn’t ride or die. It isn’t “holding them down” while holding yourself in place. Being a pick-me gets you nowhere sis. Have the love you deserve.
• Learn from your mistakes and extend grace to yourself because your 30’s will be everything you desire.

Love,

Your Wilde Mocha Babe